The Inner Writer’s Cry
I stare blankly forward pondering where time has gone and what I have done with it, harboring an endless list of noble answers to that inquiry, yet still my dreams, goals, and aspirations go unaccomplished. A somber, depressing reality swirls about me as I acknowledge the impotence of my plight. I know my day’s works are of necessity going about mothering morning to night, yet feel lost adrift a sea of undone chores, swept away in the tides from one mishap to the next. Each day a link in the chain of others like it, killing time to arrive safely in the next, all the while praying for bedtime as a mad dash set around pressed toward meals fed, baths bathed, teeth brushed, covers tucked, stories told, songs sung, prayers said. An endless supply of time sensitive matters, minor emergencies, appointments, and catastrophes lie in wait to sabotage what ever to-do-list I make, poised to push each item down a notch.
In the end I stand weighing in the balance that which I have done and that which I desire to do feeling naught. Though ever aware how crucial my presence is, I fear it ineffective. I lay wondering, contemplating my failures regarding the why. My mind flutters helplessly amidst notions of powerlessness and ignorance as the blame. I fail for lack of knowledge as to how one succeeds, surely, I say. Yet I flirt with the doubt of myself or that of my fruit. Stronger still is this small voice within rebolstering my self worth, that of my labor, and the wish to see it not in vain. Yet I struggles against those duties charged of me for which I am liable, and the cycle repeats.
I see others fruit and envy, doubting its comparison. Knowing my own fruit to be of nourishment. Oh, to have my vineyard discovered! My crops wither as my vegetation goes unharvested. Among some vineyards fruit I feel inferior, yet oddly inspired to tend my crop. And in the season, such as this, stray blossoms bloom as my spirit yearns to see glimpses of that once full garden growing.
I pray no misinterpretation. My motherly me well contented, watching miracles in time stand still. Tis another facet of me who aches for moments basked in glory of triumphs great and small. My mother nature reaps grand reward of simple milestones, my inner author desires no less. The greater by far my parental charge indeed yet my writers voice will not be long silenced. It lay dormant for moments consumed by greater cause, then in pondered moments beckons, quietly at first. Then in still, quiet hours, though few, chants… Remember Me.
And so hear I sit answering the plea as chaos reigns around me, resisting the urge to pledge to the beckoning voice a pursuit of success for fear of promises broken. A silent prayer that fate somehow secures such destiny arises from my soul.
Sharon H. Clark
9/29/08
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Friday, June 5, 2009
Baby Steps
Had a good long talk with Marianna yesterday. She's sending me her bio soon, so before long you will get to know a little about my fabulous illustrator, "child" prodigy!
Anyhow. She is very excited about getting started again and says that with her school year over she thinks she can get illustrations done at a rate of 3 cells per day. Which means about a book every 2 weeks or so. This means I will finally have what I need together and can begin getting queries before the publishers I want to submit to!
And not a moment too soon. We are in dire straights. I try not to mention it, but it may help explain the desperation in my tone and well hey... misery loved company! So indulge me this once to get it off my chest will you?
My husband never really recovered from a back surgery he had as the result of a work related injury a year ago on March 24th. A week before the anniversary, on Saint Patty's day... he was stricken in the back by a toppled bird bath while squatting to look at potting soil at an Ace hardware. The MRI after the latter injury shows what we already know by his pain level. He is in need of a second surgery. He can hardly function. He has managed to grow a decent garden, but he pays for it every day. He has the most difficulty in dealing with our Autistic son. Though both son's can be a challenge this son is by far more difficult to manage. He literally has "melt downs" that require some physical restrain. He is persistent about having his way and will run away yelling at him and crawl under things knowing his 6'9" dad can't stoop and bend to reach him, much less wrestle or run after him. Sure the younger son does this to some degree as well. It is fairly normal, but he is not nearly so determined as his brother. I can not leave the kids with him alone. I have to take at least one of them with me to run errands or get groceries.
Meanwhile, I don't take care of myself... at all! When I'm not feverishly trying with all my might to get my work published for the income and opportunity to make a difference, I'm cooking, cleaning, sitting kids, or doctoring someone! I barely eat... at least NEVER all in one sitting, I skip baths, and stay up way to late at night to have quiet time or work. I'm beginning to have problems out of the place in my own back where I had epidurals when my kids were delivered. I think it did by far more harm that good!
My DH's (dear husband's) SSI is still in limbo and we have no income at the moment. Ace hardware is denying any liability as it is common place to set up bird baths in lawn and garden sections and are trying to find an attorney to take the case. We have had to deal with one emergency after another (flooding, renovations gone awry, plumbing nightmares [that still haven't been totally resolved] and medical bills) since he settled his workman's comp suit, until we have spent all of our savings. My DH's primary physician has a "patient account rep." who refuses to honor the out of state court order that AIG pay the medical bills and resubmit them, denying him medical care and reporting us to collections, and the neurosurgeon is reluctantly refilling a temporary prescription citing that he is a neurosurgeon, not a pain management specialist. We ignore all of the 800 #'s when they call, are returning purchases to afford medications and groceries, and are beginning to get disconnect notices on our utilities. I am about to have to apply for social services. Within the month I will no longer have my internet, phones, and possible more needed utilities.
I am getting very anxious in deed, but we have been through worse! Did I mention we are Katrina survivors? LOL God has so many times come through for us in what seems like the final hours, and this time will be no different.
Besides, I wouldn't be the first starving artist discovered while in dire straights! The rags to riches story of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is the scenario I keep my eyes fixed on to keep me from completely breaking down. Anyone who knows understands, that it is very easy to get sucked into a pity party and paralyzed by the gravity of the situation. All I can say is when the day comes that we are discovered, I am gunna need a make over SO bad.... and Extreme Make Over Home Edition too!
Please keep me in your prayers if you are so inclined to do such a thing, and thank you for lending me your ear.... or eye as the case may be.
Sincerely and until next time,
Sharon
(AKA a24hrmom)
Anyhow. She is very excited about getting started again and says that with her school year over she thinks she can get illustrations done at a rate of 3 cells per day. Which means about a book every 2 weeks or so. This means I will finally have what I need together and can begin getting queries before the publishers I want to submit to!
And not a moment too soon. We are in dire straights. I try not to mention it, but it may help explain the desperation in my tone and well hey... misery loved company! So indulge me this once to get it off my chest will you?
My husband never really recovered from a back surgery he had as the result of a work related injury a year ago on March 24th. A week before the anniversary, on Saint Patty's day... he was stricken in the back by a toppled bird bath while squatting to look at potting soil at an Ace hardware. The MRI after the latter injury shows what we already know by his pain level. He is in need of a second surgery. He can hardly function. He has managed to grow a decent garden, but he pays for it every day. He has the most difficulty in dealing with our Autistic son. Though both son's can be a challenge this son is by far more difficult to manage. He literally has "melt downs" that require some physical restrain. He is persistent about having his way and will run away yelling at him and crawl under things knowing his 6'9" dad can't stoop and bend to reach him, much less wrestle or run after him. Sure the younger son does this to some degree as well. It is fairly normal, but he is not nearly so determined as his brother. I can not leave the kids with him alone. I have to take at least one of them with me to run errands or get groceries.
Meanwhile, I don't take care of myself... at all! When I'm not feverishly trying with all my might to get my work published for the income and opportunity to make a difference, I'm cooking, cleaning, sitting kids, or doctoring someone! I barely eat... at least NEVER all in one sitting, I skip baths, and stay up way to late at night to have quiet time or work. I'm beginning to have problems out of the place in my own back where I had epidurals when my kids were delivered. I think it did by far more harm that good!
My DH's (dear husband's) SSI is still in limbo and we have no income at the moment. Ace hardware is denying any liability as it is common place to set up bird baths in lawn and garden sections and are trying to find an attorney to take the case. We have had to deal with one emergency after another (flooding, renovations gone awry, plumbing nightmares [that still haven't been totally resolved] and medical bills) since he settled his workman's comp suit, until we have spent all of our savings. My DH's primary physician has a "patient account rep." who refuses to honor the out of state court order that AIG pay the medical bills and resubmit them, denying him medical care and reporting us to collections, and the neurosurgeon is reluctantly refilling a temporary prescription citing that he is a neurosurgeon, not a pain management specialist. We ignore all of the 800 #'s when they call, are returning purchases to afford medications and groceries, and are beginning to get disconnect notices on our utilities. I am about to have to apply for social services. Within the month I will no longer have my internet, phones, and possible more needed utilities.
I am getting very anxious in deed, but we have been through worse! Did I mention we are Katrina survivors? LOL God has so many times come through for us in what seems like the final hours, and this time will be no different.
Besides, I wouldn't be the first starving artist discovered while in dire straights! The rags to riches story of Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling is the scenario I keep my eyes fixed on to keep me from completely breaking down. Anyone who knows understands, that it is very easy to get sucked into a pity party and paralyzed by the gravity of the situation. All I can say is when the day comes that we are discovered, I am gunna need a make over SO bad.... and Extreme Make Over Home Edition too!
Please keep me in your prayers if you are so inclined to do such a thing, and thank you for lending me your ear.... or eye as the case may be.
Sincerely and until next time,
Sharon
(AKA a24hrmom)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Progress... Slow & Steady
Today I took a leap that I have not as officially taken before. I have submitted the manuscript for one of the volumes in my I Woke Up... series to a publisher. Prior to this, I had submitted manuscripts to a publisher my mother in law had met and have sent some pieces into magazines. Today, however, I submitted the full manuscript for one of the Bible story volumes, illustrations and all, to a Christian publisher. A little intimidating, but if they are not interested, it is not the end of the world. There are other fish in the sea. And this series is so big that I'm really thinking that going commercial first is the way to go unless the same Christian publisher would be willing to take the the entire series to its full potential. I'm not too picky about how this gets done, just so long as it does. I think in the end it will all accomplish the desired result. I just want to make sure I do the very best job I can to ensure that I do justice to every facet of the series.... and then all the other pieces God has given me as well.
I have struggled with the decision of whether to go commercial or Christian first since the series contains both secular and Christian volumes. I didn't want to be a sell out. Then I had an epiphany. We are as Christians to share with all the nations to the world. I have often thought that the hungry needed to be fed rather than just the full. As thrilled as I would be to have people go purchase my books in a Christian book store, I would prefer my readers become familiar with my work and follow it into the Christian market. In this way I am feeding the hungry rather than the full, by having their interest in the series compel them to purchase a book that they may not have previously.
Anyway. I am still sorting this whole thing out and am sort of limited as to where I can go from here. I have to wait on my illustrator for the drawings of the other titles I wish to proceed with, so I have to be patient.
To anyone reading this, THANK YOU so much for your interest and I ask that you pray (if you do) that the work will find favor in the eyes of those to whom I send it.
Until Next Time,
S.H. Clark
I have struggled with the decision of whether to go commercial or Christian first since the series contains both secular and Christian volumes. I didn't want to be a sell out. Then I had an epiphany. We are as Christians to share with all the nations to the world. I have often thought that the hungry needed to be fed rather than just the full. As thrilled as I would be to have people go purchase my books in a Christian book store, I would prefer my readers become familiar with my work and follow it into the Christian market. In this way I am feeding the hungry rather than the full, by having their interest in the series compel them to purchase a book that they may not have previously.
Anyway. I am still sorting this whole thing out and am sort of limited as to where I can go from here. I have to wait on my illustrator for the drawings of the other titles I wish to proceed with, so I have to be patient.
To anyone reading this, THANK YOU so much for your interest and I ask that you pray (if you do) that the work will find favor in the eyes of those to whom I send it.
Until Next Time,
S.H. Clark
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